Chaldean Chaos

[battymynameis]

Ereshkigal's Erotic Error

[ Displacement of the Divine Dildo ]

Something is amiss! Goddess of the Underworld Ereshkigal has come to you for aid. She has lost something very important, and it's up to you and a search partner to find it. Will you save the day like a true hero, or get distracted and lose your way? Only time will tell...

[ Premise ]

As a gift and congratulations to Ereshkigal finally being able to reach Chaldea, Ishtar anonymously sends her sister a "gift". A crystalized lore beautifully crafted into a phallic shape. The pure magic that radiates from it makes the item a fine possession to have, though its intended use differs greatly from most crystallized lore. Upon receiving the gift Ereshkigal, too vanilla for her own good, sends it away in a flustered fit. Only after it's gone does she realize what she had done. In her embarrassed outrage she accidentally sent it to Chaldea instead of her own vault. Now the panicked goddess must retrieve it before anyone find out it's hers! To keep the damage to her reputation a minimum! After all it does have her name inscribed on the base... In a fit of desperation you (and possibly a partner) are called upon to help her find the object. Because of her shame Ereshkigal is unable to tell you what she's actually missing, but she's sure it's bound to turn up! You'll know it when you see it. Unbeknownst to her, and everyone else for that matter, something seems to be going around. Not a sickness or a bug, but something viral nonetheless. A Sumerian fever if you will. Thanks to the fertility goddess that started this mess in the first place. Is it hot in here? Do you feel a little urge to do something naughty? Has that desire for pulling on the gacha turned into something else?

[ Prompts ]

The Search Party Class Tendency Word spreads quick. It's not long before Ereshkigal has convinced most of Chaldea to help her in the search. You and your search partner are given an area to search and a short description of the item: An iridescent long, hard thing. Radiates magic and has my name on the bottom. If you find it please don't show anyone else! It is the property of a goddess so bring it straight to me, thank you! It may be dangerous and should be sealed away. An odd description, but if you're already on board that shouldn't deter you. If you want you can ask Ereshkigal for more clarity. Aside from that it's up to you and your partner to tackle a game plan on how to find this mysterious magical item! However if you're more inclined to slacking off you might see that Ishtar doesn't seem to be all too eager to help either. Maybe you should ask her about that. Does the goddess just like to see her little sister squirm at the thought of missing something, or is it something more? Evil Bone(r) One theory is that the "Long Hard Thing" got lost in training through the Chaldea Gate. Which would make sense if it were a weapon, right? Perhaps it's that. You and your partner must quest through waves of enemies, but make sure you're equipped to handle what comes your way. With demi-humans, divine arms, demonic beats, and shadow servants all susceptible to the Sumerian Fever they might ask for something other than your life as payment for your defeat. (This is a battle prompt that doesn't need to be smutty, but if players decide to take that route it's suggested both share NPCing the monsters for each other unless some other arrangement is agreed upon) Treasure Vault Unlike in previous training areas this one has no enemies to fight. All the haunted doors seem to be lifeless at this point. Most of them are closed, but the large golden vaults have themselves spread open to lure you in. Because of course — something that's valuable might be stored in a treasure vault after all! Why wouldn't you look there? But, in an unfortunate twist of events, you might find yourself trapped inside! The door catches you as you look inside, and you fall in a way that leaves you stuck and exposed for your search partner or any passersby to see you! Ah... you can feel as the door melts away your clothes... Have you now become a treasured glory hole? Seems like it. (Here is some NSFW visual references, but I was envisioning something less "petrified kink" and more "stuck in a wall" kink) Funky Fever During your search you discover the source of the strange ailment that's going around. There's a tablet with a large rosette adorned with the eight pointed star of Venus. It says to nullify the powers of the tablet one must bring forth the right elements that represent Ishtar: dragon fang, chaos claw, heart of a foreign god. Present the right items, and the tablet shatters and the curse is lifted. Present the wrong items and a seven headed snake appears to ruin those who might trespass on the property of a goddess. You Found the Long Hard Thing You finally find the crystallized lore, but... the item isn't as you expected. Or maybe it is, and your mind just went straight to the gutter. Either way you can feel the pure magic that radiates from the crystal dildo even as you just get close to it. It's truly compelling even if you might not be into that sort of thing. You've got a couple options here... do you return it? Perhaps when you give it back you decide to use it on Ereshkigal herself? Keep it? Use it... on yourself or your partner? Maybe pawn it off, or deduce everything that happened was Ishtar's fault from the beginning and give her a piece of your mind? The power is now in your hands.

table code by optimisty
art credit.

Comments

Meet and Greet a Goddess

[battymynameis]

Ishtar

[ninanna]

Ereshkigal

[kurnugia]

im sorry

[aviphile]

[In the midst of this erotic chaos there is one genius who stands to profit from it. A genius who, time and time again, has demonstrated her love for humanity and compassion for her fellows, who has offered countless reasonably priced items for everyone's perusal. Yes, the one who'll be aiding your journey is none other than...!]

Yoohoo! Da Vinci-chan's workshop is still open for business ☆ Come, come! This is a limited-time stock you can't afford to miss!

[IS SHE REALLY TAKING ADVANTAGE OF THE SITUATION TO SELL HER FUCKING SEX TOYS!!]

(A) - Tips
[Are you hot and bothered by what's going on? It's okay. Da Vinci will show her sympathies.]

It's becoming real troublesome, huh? Well, I've got just the item for you.

[Oh thank god she has someth-- WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE HAULING OUT]

I'll strap you in for free, how about it?

(B) - Toybox
[If you've decided to go ahead and get fucked, da Vinci's stock is pretty decent. There's a couple of dildos, a variety of anal beads, various other fetish gear ranging from BDSM to medical play, etc. etc. But whatever you pick up will result in da Vinci popping up behind you, tone cheerful as she chirps:]

Oh, a marvelous choice! That'll be 1,000 mana prisms, please~

[THIS IS ROBBERY???]

A

[onyeesan]

[What. What is that. What is all of this.]

How will that help anyone?!

[Oh, Artemis, help her.]

B

[kurnugia]

[ Ereshkigal has no other reaction to this but shock and horror. The audacity—no, indecency of it all! She nearly shrieks! But she won't do that, of course. She isn't the younger sister who cries about rejections and lost bulls. She'll just have to give Da Vinci-chan a piece of her mind! ]

—AAAAH!

[ Don't SCARE her like that, oh my god. ]

What is this? What are you doing!? If you have time to do business, s... surely you have the time to help me!

[ She says as she furtively peruses Da Vinci's fine selection of dildos. ]

b

[soloyolomon]

[. . . .

where does she even start with this.

oh, wait, she knows.]

I am not handling whatever event comes from people making forgeries of this one!

a..................

[bloodings]

[ Guess who made the mistake of wandering in here? She's too stupid to know what's going on, so she just looks confused about the whole thing. ]

What the hell is that? Some sort of surfboard? No, a torture device?! [ Well... ] I-in any case, don't be so relaxed about it! Go and help with the search, you miserly shopkeeper!

b

[gibsaintquartz]

[ Ritsuka points an onahole at Da Vinci, the toy flopping dramatically. ]

Alright, I'll give you my Mona Lisa Craft Essence for this.

idk what I'm even doing

[onyeesan]

Evil Bone(r)

[The goddess said it wasn't a weapon so maybe looking for it in the training area is a bad idea. Yet, well. Monsters to hoard sacred items. It was a place to start after all.

Atalante can be found in the trees of the arena, showering arrows down from above. However? There's a particularly sneaky werewolf with a lance in the tree next to her. Maybe someone should do something.]

Funky Fever

[What. What was this? Some sort of seal? She has to have the right ingredients yet she only had a single dragon fang. She lays it down in front of the tablet thoughtfully.]

I do wonder if there might be a substitute.

The Cat Found the Dildo

[Oh. Oh no. She knew what this was. Or rather, what it looked like. Atalante did travel with solely men for a long time on a boat, after all. (Picking up Medea was later.) Not to mention the Greek fascination with that particular thing.

She should just return it. That was the proper thing to do. But, ah. She felt so hot all of a sudden. Atalante should just return it and is heading back to Eresh to do so.

You might find her stopped by the wayside, though, trying to hide the 'sacred lore'.]

c

[soloyolomon]

[... so this is clearly the situation you wanted your Master to find you in, right?]

Atalante....? Um, what is that you have there?

cat dildo

[howlmyrage]

I don't think that's where that goes.

[ A certain saint's Alter leans against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. ]

Unless the pussycat has a hole behind her back?

[soloyolomon]

Treasure Vault

[Of course, Ritsuka's been running around all over Chaldea to try to help. And the treasure vault? Seems obvious. Something valuable would probably get stored there, as a joke if nothing else. So when she reached in, fell over herself, and ended up stuck, face buried in the door but butt sticking out, at first it was simple embarrassment. And then she felt her clothing dissolve. And the cold air, but a different kind of heat...

Oh. Maybe this will be a problem. Maybe she can escape without letting out a sound so no one knows who it is? She hopes. And maybe if she's a bit more turned on by the situation than she should be, no one ever has to know.]

Funky Fever

[If you were hoping for porn in this option, unfortunately, it's unlikely for now. Because Ritsuka is completely ignoring the heat in her, and instead she's standing over the tablet with a crate full of different materials, and she's got a bundle of spreadsheets in her hand. Spreadsheets for each Servant she's contracted with, in fact, sorted by class, with notes of how much material they need and of what kind.]

Archers... Let's see, Ishtar's ascension materials were Octuplet Crystals, Phoenix Feathers, Scarabs of Wisdom, and Tearstones of Blood... But is that right?

[She's chewing on the end of a pen while she thinks this over... She may need advice.]

fever

[ateaist]

[Literally kicks the nearest door open to enter abruptly.]

DID SOMEONE SAY ARCHERS?!

Funky Fever

[purelylewd]

[When Medb hears "Phoenix Feathers," Ritsuka's icon suddenly comes true as she latches onto her Master's arm. She looks up at her with a deliberately innocent and wide-eyed expression, but her eyes keep darting towards the crate for a second before returning to Ritsuka's face.]

Master! Have you been holding out on me?

[Read: why am I not 10/10/10 yet who cares if a million other people need Phoenix Feathers and QP for ascensions or skills less niche than Siren Song?]

Surely I can put those feathers to better use than - [she hesitates, brow furrowing for half a second before her expression clears again] - whatever you're doing?

[Medb has no idea what this tablet is for. She hasn't even noticed anything weird going on - she's used to being thirsty at all times, so what is one drop of lust to an ocean? - but if her Master can rank up her Golden Rule (Body), what is she waiting for?]

[kurnugia]

treasure vault

[She is staying perfectly still. No. Don't say anything. She knows what this looks like. Her clothes are gone and her limbs are stuck and her face is beet red but that doesn't mean she has to accept her fate. No! She's sure that she can get out of this mess before more people find her.

...

I mean she could ask for help but that would involve acknowledging that she has a problem.]

evil bone(r)

[These monsters are particularly frisky today! To stop them in their tracks, Ereshkigal stuns them with her lightning and traps them in a cage she summons around them.]

Be mine!

[Get it? Because she's the goddess of the dead. If you get in the way, it's not her fault.]

the long hard thing

[She didn't think you'd actually find it before she did but here we are.]

...

......

................... Thank you for your service!

[It's really hard to act dignified and not just take it. Her knees press together...]

Now give it to me, please.

the cage, you can't stop me

[bloodings]

[ You know who else looks like a rampaging monster when she's on the warpath? Mordred. That's probably how she ended up in this situation in the first place — aka, angrily banging on the bars of the cage with her sword. ]

Hey! Open the hell up, you worthless goddess! [ And ignore how hilarious she looks with her hair sticking up in all directions from the lightning. Her armour is one hell of a conductor. ]

treasure vault

[howlmyrage]

[ Jeanne Alter wasn't actually intending to help look for whatever the long hard thing was, but one thing led to another and now here she is, a long hard thing in hand.

It's not the one she's looking for, but it works the same way. ]

I was gonna ask if this is yours, but it looks like you've found a new way to amuse yourself.

[ Looks at the naked goddess stuck in the door, looks at the floppy pink dong-shaped object in her hand. ]

Is this what you're into?

the long hard thing we're all 12

[offshoots]

Nnnnope. [immediately his ears may be a little hot to be holding it but he is. and out of her reach. the joys of being tall.] What? [a grin. lazy.] You didn't think anyone was following your impromptu questline without compensation, did you?

[ninanna]

Treasure Vault
[This was a Mistake. Ishtar was just here to enjoy the fruits of her labor, and she got caught! The goddess tries struggling out from the door that has hold of her, but all that moving only does is only serve to bring more attention her way.

However unlike her sister she isn't one to stay silent as someone passes by.]

You there! Assist me.

[A Useless Goddess stuck in her own damn trap.]

The Long Hard Think
Hoh? What have you got there? Don't be shy, you can show it to me.

[Ishtar curiously hovers around trying to take a peek at what you've found. Her small hand slips gently along your shoulder as she tries moving in. The sultry scent of jasmine hangs in the air as she floats in close. Do you hide it from her, or something else?]

The Long Hard Thing (well Ishtar did offer...)

[onyeesan]

[Discovering the, ah, Sacred Lore was something that Atalante deeply regretted. She didn't like this feeling. It felt too familiar. Too overpowering. However, she did swear that she would return it to Ereshkigal. She's so distracted by the feelings resonating from 'it' that she doesn't even realize Ishtar is there until she feels her hand on her shoulder.

That smell was nice, enticing--]

Goddess! I... ah...

[By the time she floats in close Atalante doesn't have time to hide it. She's blushing deeply, her tail swinging back and forth.

'Springtime' has come for the lioness.]

Treasure Vault

[purelylewd]

[Queen Medb is not pleased at being referred to as "you there," so when she turns towards the voice, she initially looks annoyed and is ready to give her a piece of her mind, but she stops when she sees the predicament Ishtar is in. Even she didn't predict that. After a moment of surprise, she laughs.]

My, I didn't know that this was one of your hobbies. Tell me, which is it? Public use? Neglect play? Those require very different forms of assistance.

long hard thing

[ateaist]

[Where there's smoke there's fire, as they say. If Eresh wants her toy back with as little commotion as possible, then it only stands to reason her sister would be out here wanting the exact opposite...or at the very least, given past circumstances, she's gonna make an educated guess that's what this is.

But Ishtar better be careful with the closeness, because Nobunaga carelessly swings the dildo upwards to shove it in the goddess' face. It'd be just terrible if she got whacked in the face by """accident""".

Hey, she wanted to see it, right?]

It's what all the commotion's about...or so I'm assuming. I'm off to return it and claim my reward.

[She seems awfully...normal for someone holding a divine aphrodisiac sex toy, though.]

[kingoftheill]

((ooc: I hope nobody minds an OC Servant! Tutankhamun is an extremely weak Saber, with an arrogant, bratty, but mostly harmless tsundere personality. Despite his weakness, his NP, Tutankhamun's tomb, is quite strong, being a collection of various magical items much like Gate of Babylon or Unlimited Blade Works.))

Treasure Vault:

[The pharaoh seems to be having a bad time right now, flailing nakedly and shrieking bloody murder as he's caught in the door.]

Unhand me! I am the beloved Son of Ra, Neferhepusegerehtawy Werahamun Nebrdjer Heqamaatsehetep- something something Tutankhamun!

[You might want to help him. You might want to know why he has an erection right now. You might find yourself too overcome by the curse not to take advantage of him. It's up to you.]

You Found the Long Hard Thing:

[When Tutankhamun does find the, er, lore, he's not in any hurry to give it back. In fact, he's in the lounge, at a table, eating snacks, as the fridge door lays open and the inside is absolutely ransacked. The lore lies on the table next to a bag of chips. Why don't you teach him a lesson in courtesy?]

the long hard thing

[kurnugia]

[ THIS SHIT AGAIN. ]

You... Son of Ra...

[ Should she even dignify him with a sermon? She has half a mind to send the Garula after him, but that will depend on his reaction to her presence. ]